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From the Desk of Father Rubey
Wednesday, June 13, 2018 by Father Ruby
Oftentimes I have heard from people surviving a death from suicide that their souls seem dead. This crushing blow has literally deadened one’s spirit. All around survivors the world goes on but for the survivor the world has come to a crashing halt. The world has stopped and unfortunately survivors cannot get off. As a survivor you might want to get off but that is not really an option. Survivors are left to struggle with all of the fallout that comes with a death from suicide. The most painful aspect of this journey in grief is literally the death of one’s soul. I have often heard it said by survivors that “I feel like I am dead inside.” Such a statement is not overly dramatic. This statement is to be taken literally. Along with that loved one’s death survivors also experience the death of their own souls. This a major part of the grief experience. This is what is so devastating to survivors. The soul is what gives life and energy and desire to live and to want to continue living.

During the initial stages of the grieving process, survivors are in a stage of shock and almost have to be led around. They feel like zombies due to the shock. They don’t have a lot of feelings. They are numb. As the shock wears off the pain is so incredible survivors wonder if they are going to be able to bear this pain. It is at this stage that the soul appears to die. There is nothing but a lifeless body walking around. The soul gives life to our bodies and feelings to our psychic system. All of this psychic energy has come to a screeching halt. The death experience of the soul is temporary state due to the devastation of a loved one’s suicide. As the survivor traverses the path of grief, after a while some life is experienced after months of dormancy – albeit a different type of life. The resurrection of one’s spirit begins to take place at a glacial pace. But it does take place. This life that returns is somewhat different than the life that survivors had prior to the suicide. The return to life can be signaled by a laugh or a joyful night out with family or friends.

These kinds of pleasant experiences are reminders that life is returning to a soul that was once dead but now is returning to life. As life returns one of the more common feelings is guilt. “I should not be having a good time because my loved one died from suicide,” says the survivor. My response to that comment is, “your loved one died. You didn’t and you owe it to yourself to begin enjoying life again. It is ok to live again.”

In time it is ok to love again. The guilt experienced will subside and the joy and happiness will predominate. One of the first signs of joy in the first time that a survivor laughs. This is a whole and different experience for a survivor. It might take weeks or months before this happens but it will happen and it is ok to laugh and experience joy and happiness. The soul is resurrecting from a long deadly state. As the resurrection takes place one of the realizations is that this life that is coming to be is different life than before the suicide. That is true. Nothing is ever the same once one has experienced the death of a loved one from suicide. Nothing.

As we make our way through the summer months, I want to assure all of our LOSS family of my thoughts and prayers and encourage all of you to do the same – especially those survivors who have recently joined our family.

Keep On Keepin’ On,

Rev. Charles T. Rubey




Archives:

From the Desk of Father Rubey
Wednesday, June 13, 2018 by Father Ruby
Oftentimes I have heard from people surviving a death from suicide that their souls seem dead. This crushing blow has literally deadened one’s spirit. All around survivors the world goes on but for the survivor the world has come to a crashing halt. The world has stopped and unfortunately survivors cannot get off. As a survivor you might want to get off but that is not really an option. Survivors are left to struggle with all of the fallout that comes with a death from suicide. The most painful aspect of this journey in grief is literally the death of one’s soul. I have often heard it said by survivors that “I feel like I am dead inside.” Such a statement is not overly dramatic. This statement is to be taken literally. Along with that loved one’s death survivors also experience the death of their own souls. This a major part of the grief experience. This is what is so devastating to survivors. The soul is what gives life and energy and desire to live and to want to continue living.

During the initial stages of the grieving process, survivors are in a stage of shock and almost have to be led around. They feel like zombies due to the shock. They don’t have a lot of feelings. They are numb. As the shock wears off the pain is so incredible survivors wonder if they are going to be able to bear this pain. It is at this stage that the soul appears to die. There is nothing but a lifeless body walking around. The soul gives life to our bodies and feelings to our psychic system. All of this psychic energy has come to a screeching halt. The death experience of the soul is temporary state due to the devastation of a loved one’s suicide. As the survivor traverses the path of grief, after a while some life is experienced after months of dormancy – albeit a different type of life. The resurrection of one’s spirit begins to take place at a glacial pace. But it does take place. This life that returns is somewhat different than the life that survivors had prior to the suicide. The return to life can be signaled by a laugh or a joyful night out with family or friends.

These kinds of pleasant experiences are reminders that life is returning to a soul that was once dead but now is returning to life. As life returns one of the more common feelings is guilt. “I should not be having a good time because my loved one died from suicide,” says the survivor. My response to that comment is, “your loved one died. You didn’t and you owe it to yourself to begin enjoying life again. It is ok to live again.”

In time it is ok to love again. The guilt experienced will subside and the joy and happiness will predominate. One of the first signs of joy in the first time that a survivor laughs. This is a whole and different experience for a survivor. It might take weeks or months before this happens but it will happen and it is ok to laugh and experience joy and happiness. The soul is resurrecting from a long deadly state. As the resurrection takes place one of the realizations is that this life that is coming to be is different life than before the suicide. That is true. Nothing is ever the same once one has experienced the death of a loved one from suicide. Nothing.

As we make our way through the summer months, I want to assure all of our LOSS family of my thoughts and prayers and encourage all of you to do the same – especially those survivors who have recently joined our family.

Keep On Keepin’ On,

Rev. Charles T. Rubey